Honest mummy cocktail recipes - not for the faint hearted.
Sometimes mummies just need to have a drink.
We work hard outside the house in jobs that are demanding with leaky bladders that we blame on our two year olds!
We deal with the daily grind as a stay at home mums, the endless half finished craft projects and outings that always end in some kind of poo explosion.
We deal with sleepless nights, washing piles, pepper pig and tummy bugs.
We deal with the "mummy labels" on a daily basis, the paranoia and a love so great we sometimes cannot cope.
This is for all the mummy guilt!
Drink to the boobs we left behind!
Toast to the mummy tummies!
Because at the end of the day we need a laugh :)
For ma MILFS!
HONEST MUMMY COCKTAILS
1 part vodka
1 part sugar syrup
1 part kale juice
Pour into a mug and cry mummy guilt tears into the mix while simultaneously doing squats because you are a fat lazy bitch... but only do 5 squats because otherwise you are showing off and don't want to seem too perfect and fit, because fit mums are show off bitches! Hot show off bitches... but bit bitches all the same.
5 more squats... BE that show off bitch!
Note: Squats can be swapped for extra vodka if desired.
"Breasts is bests"
Serve in two wide rimmed cocktail glasses.
1 part hazelnut liqueur
1 part chocolate liqueur
1 part Formula/ breast milk/ rice milk/ almond milk/ coconut milk/ goats milk/ cows milk/ soy milk... I don't care which one!
Combine ingredients and pour into two cocktail glasses.
Take your top off and stir the cocktail with your breasts, because stirring with breasts is bests!
100g chocolate ice-cream in a wide rimmed cocktail glass ( tee hee "rimmed")
2 tablespoons lightly mashed peas and corn
leave the ice-cream to melt slightly then pour over peas, carrots and baileys. Leave to almost fully melt, then serve.
Looks like poop, but tastes like chocolate alcoholic poop... and peas... and corn :)
"The Mumbie" - (for Zombie mums)
3 shots of coffee
3 more shots of coffee
Something about a glass... or a cup... does it need sugar or something maybe?... where do I keep the spoons?... have I had a shower today?... I'm so fucking tired.
Enjoy cold... cause you are NEVER having a hot coffee EVER AGAIN... because... kids.
100ml Coconut milk
30ml Strawberry liqueur
10ml Maple syrup
In a shaker combine coconut milk strawberry liqueur and maple syrup. Pour in a cocktail glass and sprinkle over bacon bits.
bong bing boo bing bong bing bing bong bingly bungly boo
3 drops of lemon juice
Mix together baileys, milk and midori in a tall glass and leave to curdle on the bench for half an hour.
Mmmmmmm vomity :)
Enjoy Mummies :)