I keep forgetting to update you on the Anxiety front.
After the last 2 blogs about my anxiety I received some great messages of support and a phone call from a very panicked mother a few weeks ago who finally started to read some of my blogs... (I may have neglected to tell her about getting some medication).
But I just want everyone to know that I am doing fine.
I have had one pill a week or so ago, which I actually took because my back was having a bit of a spasm and causing some pain and anxiety. I'm actually glad that I did because of cause I was scared of taking the medication unless it gave me side effects, it is also such a low dose that I'm not even sure it really did anything...
Of course now I imagine that he gave me a placebo and I am part of some larger conspiracy where they are experimenting on groups of people with anxiety and they have placed cameras in my house and may or may not have placed a chip in my arm... because on my last doctors visit i was given a flu injection and they totally could have done it then!
...back to reality....
For the most part my catastrophizing is a constant state of amusement for myself.
My friend told me the other day after I told her that we were going to the zoo for a day care trip that they walked the cheetahs around the zoo, I thought maybe she was fucking with me, and I even messaged the zoo to see if they did.
Cause F***K that! I ain't gonna go if giant ass cats are gonna roam around the zoo all casual like, eyeing me up for dinner!
NOPE NOPE NOPE
My fear of large cats ain't gonna handle that well.
I found out from another friend that apparently they do it... just after hours.
Oh the scenarios in my head that I came up with!
I'm such a weirdo!
In some ways I cant help how my brain works, in fact I like how my brain works, I have an over imaginative brain that can create an entire storyline out of thin air.
And as a writer I find this extremely helpful.
Also, I'm not a different person, I just now have medication for those "just in case scenarios" where things might get too much, something I used to just deal with alone.
Its just been a process of becoming more aware of what is going on and instead of pushing through, I will just stand back and go "nope, that looks like it is too much for me".
I'm not gonna lie, I was a bit emotionally down and we were also having a tough time financially, we had to cut back on a lot of things.
My best mate took me out for lunch to lift my spirits, and another friend bought me some awesome skincare and another sent me a gift in the mail for the whole family.
Heck maybe I shouldn't publish this, maybe I can keep the free boozy lunches going for a wee while more lol.
My friend Erin has a great analogy about love, energy and rocks.
"You have a bunch of rocks in your bucket (energy and love) and you give these rocks out to people you love and they give the rocks back to you, sometimes someone goes through a hard time and it's unequal for a while, and that's Ok, because when they are in a position to give you some rocks, they do."
I feel like I have a lot of rocks so I'm feeling pretty loved and I cant wait to start giving out my rocks again :)
So thanks for all the love from the family and friends, thanks for the FB messages of support.