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Top 10 things you are too old for after having kids and turning 35.

I went out last night, on a Thursday which is a feat in itself.

My friend managed to score free tickets to the VIP mosh pit section at the Vodafone music awards so we rallied the troups and headed in.

After being gridlocked on the motorway after a crash, a train trip and a painful walk to Vector arena for my friend Tania, who has a suspected broken ankle, we made it in and met up with Katy-anne, my brother Dave, his girlfriend (and my friend) Vanessa and Aimee who was 4 hours into a night out away from her baby with boobs about to explode milk over the red carpet. I thought maybe shit was maybe gonna get messy! In a breast milk kinda way.

So we were lead into our red carpet "mosh pit area" to watch the red carpet and were given some free non alcoholic drinks.

Things got weird however when they started to round up people from the road to come in to the mosh pit area...

We were then herded like cattle around to the back of the building and through gates like lambs to the slaughter.

We stood outside and listened as the large security man boomed over the crowd "DO NOT try and touch the musicians! DON'T try and get on the stage! DON'T try and get out of your designated area!"

I mean, I'm not an animal, I am quite capable of NOT fondling the musicians! There was that one incident where I may have "Fan girled" a little hard at Chelsea Winter backstage at Whangarei's Fitter Festival and stood awkwardly beside her for a little too long in her personal bubble... But other than that I think I handle myself OK around celebrities.

So we were asked to throw away our water and drinks as we weren't allowed to bring them in. Then at this point we were also asked to go to the bathroom in 2 dark blue portaloos that were set up in the rain outside "This is your last chance to use the bathroom" His voice boomed.

This is where my age kicked in and I was like, wait... portaloos?... last chance to go to the bathroom?... Not allowed water for 3 hours?... Cant sit down?... There is no wine?... What if the music is too loud?

So we all bailed... and went and bought proper tickets. Ain't no one got the patience for that shit!

AND IT WAS GREAT! We got food and most importantly wine and sat down on proper seats and watched the group of mosh pitters look on thirsty and hungry with full bladders into the crowd... the awards were great and the acts were amazing! It was awesome!

So after this experience I have come to realize a lot of things since turning 35...

A. I cant be arsed with a lot of things I had patience for in my early 20s.

B. I am too busy to waste time on anything that isn't going to benefit the people around me or myself.

C. I am tired, kids are exhausting and I think I need iron tablets or something.

Below are my top things you are too old for after having kids and turning 35.

You are now too old to...

  1. Go out when parts of your body are sore or sick (ankle, hand, got a cold ect) - Remember when you used to go out on the town when you were pretty much suffering from pneumonia? Yep those were the days!

  2. Enjoy shopping for clothes - Don't get me wrong I love shopping, but I think I like the "idea" of shopping more than anything. After about the third round of clothes to try on, I am over it.

  3. Get ID'd - sometimes I go to the supermarket and even though I don't really need wine, I get some just in the hopes of being ID'd... it doesn't happen anymore. :(

  4. Not feel the cold and rain - I used to not worry too much about the cold and rain on a night out. I would wear a little dress and hit the town without a plan and it was awesome. But you know what? the rain really messes up my hair and I need a warm jacket and comfy shoes now.

  5. Have stupid friends - If I talk to you and hang out with you then you know I like you because no one got time for pointless friendships in your 30s! in your 20s you hung about with so many random people that never really had your best interests in mind. "keep your friends close and your enemies closer"??? F**k off enemies, I don't have time for your shit.

  6. Backpacking - I want a comfy bed, quiet surroundings and a bathroom and kitchen I don't have to share with randoms.

  7. Waiting - Aint no one got time to wait for suff over 35!

  8. Understand the young peoples words... I kept up with the last round of words like "totes","Cray Cray" and "Yolo" but I've lost the plot and have no idea what the terms "Turnt" and "THOT" mean.

  9. Hangovers - I haven't had a hangover since July 2011! I'm too scared. I have a hard enough time dealing with my kids when my mental capacity is normal.

  10. Eating food that is less than satisfactory. Life is short! Eat delicious things!


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